Thursday, December 04, 2008

Painting Pictures....

not of art...but of Egypt.

Are you all familiar with that song by Sara Groves?

Lately, in all the hectic moments of my life, I have found myself longing for moments in the past. There have been moments recently when I find myself out-of-control with frustration. I know that the person I become in those moments is not really the person I am. I long for the days when life seemed less demanding. When I thought I had my head on straight....when obviously, if you know me and have been following my blog and you've read my testimony about my'll know that I was FAR from having my head on straight (no pun intended.)

Last night, in the midst of the chaos, I was able to share Jesus with a woman in the Coronary Care Unit who believes she is dying.

And tonight, while screaming at my daughter because she's misplaced her shoes - AGAIN and is going to be late for Brownies - AGAIN... there was an instant when I wondered why I chose this life over my past.

How ridiculous is that?!

God forgive me for painting pictures of Egypt. I for sure, do not want to go back.

Several years ago, when I dusted off my Bible, took it down from the shelf and opened it to this verse from Jeremiah 31:3...
"...Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee."...and I realized that the Lord had not given up on me. That He would never give up on me...that His love for me was everlasting...that no matter how much I tried to avoid Him or run away from Him because I knew that I couldn't possibly live my life of rebellion and still be in His presence...He was wooing me all the while. When I finally listened and repented and started the long journey back to Him, He has blessed me beyond belief by giving me a husband who loves me whom I love in return. He's given us a beautiful daughter - when one time in my life I thought I would never have the opportunity to be a Mom. He's blessed us with a beautiful home in our (as Pat would say) "State Park." And so many other things both tangible and intangible too numerous to list.

So yes...Lord please forgive me when in the midst of the storm, I'm painting pictures of Egypt. Instead, may I be reminded of your many blessings. Remind me that I'm still engraved in the palm of Your hand. Remind me that your love for me is everlasting. Remind me that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.

And help me to be a better Mom and a better wife...for without You, I can do nothing.

The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace.
-Psalm 29:11


Sara said...

agreeing with you and for you my sister.

Constance said...

So many times I have not just painted pictures of Egypt, I think I try to time travel!

Why does the flesh pull us SO easily to a life outside of God's will? Why am I so weak that I seem to struggle with the same issues?

I SO get it when Paul talks about doing the very things he hates!


byhisgracealone said...



Pat said...

Crying right now. I can feel your hearts cry and I am praying for you. There is a difference in your life now, you want to live a life pleasing to God and Satan is pulling at you because he's lost the battle. You are strong in the Lord, you are victorious, you are a Child of the most high...we will praise Him together!!

char said...

If you cut the head off of a snake, it will writhe around and lash out for a while longer, even though it's already dead. Alas, satan is DEFEATED, but will still continue to try and destroy our lives, steal our blessings, and interfere with our relationship with our Creator in any way he can. Stomp on his lowlife head one more time, Sister!!!! We've all been there, and we are all lifting you up in prayer.

dawna said...

I understand totally. Our memories tend to be in vivid color when our reality was in black and blah. Hold on. Tight. We're all praying for you, Deb...and we're praying for ourselves as well. Hugs to my dear sister who is so brutally, refreshingly honest. You are amazing and precious. No wonder Satan hates you....

Trish said...

Deb~ Jesus is the lover of our souls, it's so wonderful that He constantly woos us and shows His love even when we feel unlovely?

I listened to this song, had never heard it before. It will be added to my Ipod...Thank you for this beautiful, honest post. I know that we have all been there, you are not alone.
I love you,

Mrs. Mac said...

Thank goodness those roads have been closed off to you. The things you now know lead to freedom in His love for you. There's no turning back ... stomp, stomp, stomp! Keep your eyes and heart set on Jesus. He will carry you through the desert and refresh your soul and spirit with His living water. You will see him each time you look at your beautiful daughter, your loving husband. You have a lot on your shoulders ... give it to him. Find His peace. Praying you through this dry spell. Hugs

Margie said...

what a beautiful and honest post. I've felt like that so many times, and i won't go back. But sometimes... oh!

You are so beautiful, that heart of yours...