Illustration Friday: Tool

Pausing a moment to pull some art from my files for this week's Illustration Friday topic.... TOOL

Today, this is my tool of choice...I feel a smoothie coming on!

Book Review: Lifted From Darkness: A True Story of Breaking Free

I was unable to put this book down once I began and read it within several hours. Lifted From Darkness: A True Story of Breaking Free is a book which will take you on an emotional roller coaster as it grips you in the first pages and carries you through to what you hope and pray with all your might will be a happy ending. Living a double life, on the outside working hard to portray to the world that all is well with her marriage, too full of shame to admit to herself, or anyone else she may have made a mistake, Alexa finds herself being held prisoner in a life which can only be described as a living hell. Several times throughout, I found myself in tears as I was reminded the words I read were not fiction. The suffering the author endured for ten long years at the hand of her abusive husband is unfathomable to any who have never experienced such abuse. The one constant is that God never left her side and carried her through, eventually redeeming everything that the enemy had stolen from her. I am confident you will not only be blessed as you read Alexa’s story, but it may spur you on to get involved in helping victims of domestic violence – at the very least, your eyes will be opened to the atrocities which many suffer and you will be inspired to pray. As a future counselor, this book is one I will be adding to my shelf of books I share with my clients. I highly recommend this title.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review nor did I receive monetary compensation. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Pencil Drawing

I always see a hundred things that need to be changed when I look at a drawing two days later. This one needs a lot of work...but I'm just not feeling it today.

Book Review: Monkeys and the Chair by Renee Oppenheim Peacock

I had glanced at one or two reviews before deciding to read this title, and was excited about the potential of the subject matter, especially considering my closeness to several friends who have children with cerebral palsy. However, I thought the writing could have used some better focus throughout to help bring all components together. It read more like a series of stories, and it seemed obvious to me that the author is lacking experience as a writer. I found myself skimming through some parts rather than my typical “slowly savoring every word” – This book did not call out to be savored. There is potential, with some further editing. That being said, I will say (speaking from experience) authoring a book is tremendously difficult – especially when telling one’s own story. I am doing my best to provide a fair review and do not want to come off as being negative, however, this book did not live up to my expectations upon reading those initial positive reviews which caused me to request this title.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review: I Will Praise You in the Storm: The Story of Stephen and Holly Deaubé, a Journey of Faith

Two words: Unshakable faith. If I had to sum up this book in two words, those are the two I would most certainly choose. I cannot even imagine having to face the challenges of raising two children with such dire medical needs. Each received a liver transplant, and while I watched much of the same medical drama unfold around my own father’s heart transplant, I kept trying to place myself in the shoes of the parents. I do not know that I would be able to endure seeing my child suffer but for the grace of God. Whether or not you have any personal dealings with anyone who has undergone an organ transplant, or if you are simply a parent of a healthy child, or you would like to gain some insight into the lives of those who, through their suffering, learned to lean mightily on God’s provisional strength, I highly recommend this title.

Disclosure: I received this book without cost from BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review.

Book Review: How to Live in Fear: Mastering the Art of Freaking Out by Lance Hahn

Written by a pastor who is an expert on the subject by virtue of his suffering, How to Live in Fear: Mastering the Art of Freaking Out by Lance Hahn is an excellent, inspiring and insightful book on dealing with anxiety issues. As a future counselor, I was primarily interested in reading this book with hopes of being able to add it to my “toolbox” of references which I will be able to offer future clients. Additionally, a member of my family suffers with disabling anxiety and I hoped this book would offer some greater insight into what she experiences. The author did not disappoint. Not only did it offer a glimpse into the world of anxiety sufferers, but provides a guide for dealing with anxiety attacks and suggests ways those who suffer may seek support. Written in easy-to-read prose, the author helps to remove the stigma of mental health disorders and the shame which sometimes is felt by those who deal with disabling anxiety. For sure, I will be able to offer this title as a help to my future clients. I would recommend this to anyone who suffers from anxiety disorder or panic attacks.

Disclosure: I received this book without cost from BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review.

Book Review: Ascent from Darkness: How Satan's Soldier Became God's Warrior by Michael Leehan

An honest look at a man’s journey to a relationship with God, via an intense detour through the passages of evil. In this writing Michael Leehan chronicles his experience living as one who gave himself over to Satan. Participating in ritualistic blood sacrifices, the killing of animals, all while doing the bidding of the one true enemy of his soul, in spite of the fact he considered him to be an ally. Receiving the dark assignment to murder a pastor, Michael Leehan shares how he infiltrated the church for the express purpose of carrying out his dark mission. Thankfully, today he has completely turned his life around and now serves in the very church he once planned to destroy. An exceptional read – I give this one 4.5 stars

Pencil Portrait Doodles....part 3...

Sara - just before she laughed.... (wink)

Pencil Portrait Doodles....part 2...

He's not about to go out without his duck cane and his conductor's cap.

Nope, not ever.

Pencil Portrait Doodles....

A young man waiting for the bus - in a crowded city - but he knows no crowds - as he escapes into the noise of his mind.

If one looks closely, one will see the background is a bunch of written words...his thoughts...spilling into the noise...

Illustration Friday-Tropical- parts 2 and 3

Illustration Friday: Tropical

In my commitment to draw something at least weekly, I've taken from Illustration Friday's suggestion and drawn the subject: Tropical

Something Silly for Illustration Friday

Suggested Topic: Moon

My pencil drawing - just something quick, fun, and whimsical...

Finding Emmanuel....Amidst the Garbage....

Continuing with this month's blog prompt: Looking for Emmanuel:

Okay. This is difficult to post. Because I'm putting some really difficult things out here in cyberspace - making them public - for all the world to see. But it needs to be done, because it's cathartic and part of the healing process. So here goes...

Anyone who knows me well, would know that my desire is to have a neat and orderly house. My house was, at one time, very neat and orderly. We hosted weekly church home group meetings in our home. The floors were always swept, the dishes were done, the kitchen counters were clean, the laundry was folded and put away, my desk was clear, my bed was made (well - no, my bed wasn't made - ever - that was my one "sin" as far as housekeeping. I mean, why make the bed when you're just going to crawl back into it in a few hours? Besides, my husband's health issues cause him the need to stretch out on the bed to relieve the pressure on his spine several times throughout the day - therefore - unmade bed - always.)

Over the past three years, my health has deteriorated. I don't move as well as I wish I could. It takes me at least three times as long to accomplish something as it once did. And it's frustrating. As a result - my house has some areas which could be featured in that show about the people who are hoarders. The piles of stuff have gotten completely out of control - and, my perfectionistic personality won't let me clean them because in my mind, if I start something I must finish it - and knowing I would never have the energy to finish what I began in one sitting due to my MS - 90% of the time, I just don't ever start.

Enter: The Volunteers.

We were blessed to have a busload (I kid you not - they arrived in a bus (or so I'm told - I never actually poked my head out the door to see the actual bus, however, I have no reason to doubt the bus did, in fact, exist) of people swarm down upon our home to help organize and clean. Wow. Amazing. How blessed we were. God is good. ....almost.

For I, in the midst of all the chaos (and there was a lot a chaos) of having 12 strangers descend upon our home to sort, organize, and clean, was COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED.

Five hours of moving furniture, sorting through closets and pantries, packing things to be donated to the mission, etc, and after the dust settled there is still so much to be done. That same day, a social worker appeared at my door to meet with me for an hour in order to discuss the possibility of qualifying for someone to come into our home on a weekly basis so hopefully, the hoarder piles don't begin to grow again. She is fairly sure, due do my disability, that I will qualify for some help in this area. I should be thrilled. I am not.

The reason I'm not? Because in the five hours of chaos, my entire world was turned upside down. This morning, I was in a good mood, until my husband brought in a ten pound bag of sugar from the garage - where it was placed after we rescued it from the bags of food which someone thought should be tossed. I was reminded in an instant of the upheaval of this past week. The "cleaning crew" threw away hundreds of dollars of (perfectly good) food. They discarded things I asked them to keep and kept things I asked them to throw away. They moved things and placed them in God only knows where places. I can't find anything. Over a dozen times I've looked for something where it was or where I think they may have put it only to find it's missing in action. I listened to a woman who doesn't even know me whisper to my husband, hoping I wouldn't hear her, that I just need to spend 15 minutes a day and clean this house up when she doesn't HAVE A CLUE about my physical condition or what we go through on a daily basis in this house. A $38 Tupperware brand new container lid was probably pitched - the can lids which I was so excited to finally have a place to use them in an upcoming art show, lids which I've been collecting and saving for two years - pitched. A wooden shelf from the garage - another piece I was thinking would be great in the art show - painted all snazzy and awesome - I also discover is gone - and a palm tree - a gift from my aunt which I have had for over 35 years was stuck outside and left for dead in the cold. I thought they had moved it behind the bookcase and it was simply obstructed from my view (until the bookcase will be moved next week when my son-in-law comes to help my husband move it.) Last night, I learned the palm tree has been outside for five days in the freezing temperatures.

Needless to say - I'm frustrated. Yes- they helped us. But they did a lot of harm. And I guess I just want to have someone validate my feelings of frustration rather than every time I bring it up, I hear my husband say he's trying to look at the positive. Okay. Good. He's a better person than I.

So, after seeing the bag of sugar, and allowing all these frustrating thoughts about the missing things and dead palm tree all flood my mind again this morning...I snapped at my husband about something stupid. Why? Because he's here - and he gets to be the recipient of all my frustration, anger, and hurt.I snapped at him...and he retreated to his man cave while I sat at my desk in tears, crying out to God as I tried to sort out all the feelings in my head.

I prayed, "God, where are you in all of this? Why can't I just be content that I had a bus full of friendly strangers come in to help me? Why am I so full of animosity? Why am I so overwhelmed?"

Then I thought about the friends who came to visit last night. We shared an evening of conversation about the Lord. We prayed for each other. We enjoyed a meal together; none of which would have happened had the busload of strangers hadn't helped me unearth my kitchen counters.

With tears streaming down my face, I began to praise God for the cleaning crew. Randy emerged from his man cave and we went to a quiet place in the house and talked. We held hands as we prayed together. He asked the Lord to soften our hearts in order that we would not make a big deal over ridiculous things. Through all the mess and confusion, and chaos and misunderstanding; through the sharp words and the tears, God was using it for His glory.

Randy then retreated to his man cave to continue studying for his class as I sat down at my desk to check my email. I opened the email account only to read this verse - the "encouraging verse of the day" from my favorite Christian radio station, KLove:

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ." Philippians 3:8

Sigh....there He is...in the midst of the garbage - in the midst of the chaos - in the midst of the pain - I finally see Him; Emmanuel.

Blog Prompt: "Looking for Emmanuel"

Looking for Emmanuel. How appropriate - as I am often reminding friends to take the time to recognize God's presence in their lives. We know He is always present - for He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. And He is God, who cannot lie.

As often as I tell others to take time to recognize Him at work in their lives, is how often I forget to take the time to seek Him in my own life. I go through the days - at times with my mind in a blur, and my heart held captive by a myriad of emotions and situations too personal to reveal --so much so that I stuff inside and stuff inside until inevitably, I explode in a puddle of tears. All the hard stuff, all the things of life - they sometimes add up to a whole lot of chaos and doubt, fear and frustration, uncertainty, and a thirst for peace and rest which many times I think are impossible to attain, even for our Great God.

The other evening, I was blessed to attend a Christmas concert with my daughter. Sitting and basking in the glow of worship, the Lord spoke so quietly to me and said, "Daughter of mine, I have not forgotten you. I have not forsaken you. I know every tear you cry. I see the hurt. I see the pain - both emotional, and physical which you carry. I promise if you will lay it all at my feet - all the hurt - all the fear - all the frustration - all the junk - all the pain...I will take it and transform it. And I have not given you more than you can bear. The cross you carry, the burdens which at times seem overwhelming, I chose you to carry them for I knew you were able. For I have a great plan for your life. A plan which exceeds your highest expectations. The pain - it will return to you as a blessing, and you, in turn, will bless others as many will benefit from all you are experiencing. Let me take your pain and I will give it back to you - re-purposed."

You may imagine, after that conversation, I was in tears.

A few moments later, there was an intermission during the concert and one of the band members took some time to talk about an opportunity to sponsor a child in another country. My husband and I sponsor several children already - therefore, I knew that I wasn't going to volunteer to sponsor another. But God

I said, "God, You know we already sponsor four children." God said, "And now there will be five." And I said, "But it may cause pain in my finances..." And He said, "...and I will take the pain and turn it into a blessing..."

Okay. God wins.

He always does.

Imagine my surprise when I raised my hand to accept a sponsorship packet and was handed a photo of a beautiful seven-year-old girl. My heart melted. I thought about all the blessings this life affords me and my family, and how can I possibly be fearful and frustrated that helping this precious child with this sweet face would ever burden me and cause pain in my finances? I knew immediately God would provide. And then I saw her name: PAIN

There He was. Emmanuel. God with me. Turning my pain into purpose already....

The end.

Blog Prompt:"Learning to Thank God for/in the Hard Stuff"

Who said this would be easy? No one. Not the thanking part. That's not so difficult. It's the bearing of the soul, the true confessions, admitting to myself and to you, the reader, exactly just what is the hard stuff.

My list is long. Where to start? With the easy thing...

My health. The state of my mobility, or lack thereof.

That is difficult. For years I have thought if I ever reached this point. If I ever couldn't walk without assistance, If my legs failed me, or the fatigue robbed me of the ability to take more than 20 steps without resting, I would handle it with grace. I would be thankful in the moment. Grateful for the opportunity to learn something. To show others that I still trusted God in spite of it all.

I had visions of me scooting around in an electric scooter or requiring the assistance of my walker and being content. Guess what? I'm not.

The truth is, it's completely

So I have to say that today, I'm still in a place of learning to be thankful to God for this. I am grateful. Grateful for His patience with me. Grateful for His promises to never leave me. I'm grateful...but I'm still dealing with the fact that it's unfair and I mourn the losses...oh how I mourn my losses. At times, to the point of depression, to the point of admitting defeat and not even wanting to bother at all. My thankfulness is misdirected and needs adjusting for sure. But for today - I'm just grateful that I'm even able to acknowledge that this is the most difficult challenge I've had to face in my life. And yes - I hate it. When I'm actually grateful for the lack of mobility...well...I'll let you know.

So there you have it. The hard stuff. The end.

No Generation Gap Here...or is there...

Never mind!! It doesn't matter...

I was in the kitchen doing the dishes - looking out over the pond and the blue sky - this song came to my mind and I began to sing - not too loud - nobody else could hear me. Randy was outside mowing the grass and Miss O was in her bedroom with the door closed...

I turned the water off just about the time I finished a verse...

...and I hear Olivia begin to belt out "....all I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong! When the earth shakes, I wanna be found in You. When the lights fade, I wanna be found in You...."

Tears filled my eyes and my heart smiled as I realized we are both on the same page.

Different decades.

Same message.

No generation gap here.

___________________________________________________

Train up a child in the way he should go:

and when he is old,

he will not depart from it.

-Proverbs 22:6

___________________________________________________

In My Father’s house are many mansions;

if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you,

I will come again and receive you to Myself;

that where I am, there you may be also.

-John 14:2-3

___________________________________________________

Someone fill the silence please...

I don't know if there were ever

a time when I have wished

I could trade places

more than now.

Why her?

And not me....

My heart feels empty

in the silence of this house

a house usually filled with laughter

and singing

and all manor of chaos

I would take it all now

if I did not have to listen

to the tick tock

tick tock

of the pendulum within my heart

which mark the moments

until she is here with me again...

In Silence I Sit

In silence I sit waiting.

Yet the noise is overwhelming.

When will Your voice be heard

above the din

above the noise

above the barking in my head?

The voice that calls from within,

calls to You

to be heard

to be recognized

to be healed.

Those around me tell me to be still-

be still and know You are God.

They offer prayers

and words of comfort,

Yet their words do not penetrate

through the noise.

For it is not hearing I lack.

It is my sight.

When will I see?

When will I see?

When will I see?

Your glory?

My eye is filled with mist

and I long to see Your face.

Therefore, in the noise of the silence

I will wait for Your glory

to be revealed in the fog.

Rubber Ducky, you're the one...you make bathtime lots of fun....

For those not in the know...this is us with the World's Largest Rubber Ducky - currently afloat in the Ohio River in Pittsburgh. I think it's in the Ohio....Maybe it was in the Monongahela, or the Allegheny...can't remember now....ANYWAY...it cost a mere $20,000, so I doubt we will be purchasing one any time soon for our pond. :( I said to Randy, "so why exactly is this here anyway?" - to which he replied, "If you inflate it, they will come..." ha. And trust me..there were PLENTY of people on site buying souvenir duckies and t-shirts. As for us - we passed on the merchandise - and just enjoyed a nice leisurely stroll around Point State Park.

A giant footprint?...

The person we asked to take this photo cropped the head off the duck!!

To get a sense of the enormity of this thing....here is a photo of Olivia making friends with a woman and her dog. Wherever there is a dog to be found...one will find Olivia!