My list is long. Where to start? With the easy thing...
My health. The state of my mobility, or lack thereof.
That is difficult. For years I have thought if I ever reached this point. If I ever couldn't walk without assistance, If my legs failed me, or the fatigue robbed me of the ability to take more than 20 steps without resting, I would handle it with grace. I would be thankful in the moment. Grateful for the opportunity to learn something. To show others that I still trusted God in spite of it all.
I had visions of me scooting around in an electric scooter or requiring the assistance of my walker and being content. Guess what? I'm not.
The truth is, it's completely
So I have to say that today, I'm still in a place of learning to be thankful to God for this. I am grateful. Grateful for His patience with me. Grateful for His promises to never leave me. I'm grateful...but I'm still dealing with the fact that it's unfair and I mourn the losses...oh how I mourn my losses. At times, to the point of depression, to the point of admitting defeat and not even wanting to bother at all. My thankfulness is misdirected and needs adjusting for sure. But for today - I'm just grateful that I'm even able to acknowledge that this is the most difficult challenge I've had to face in my life. And yes - I hate it. When I'm actually grateful for the lack of mobility...well...I'll let you know.
So there you have it. The hard stuff. The end.
5 comments:
That is 'hard stuff' Deb! In all of your pain and suffering .. I often
'see' Jesus shining through your sweet countenance .. a little 'warble' in your voice that quivers when you recall all HE has given (even his 'poker' chips). May the Lord's grace shine upon you ALWAYS even and especially through the pain and suffering.
Like Cathy says...that is hard stuff....and you bear it so gracefully...at least that is my view of you....I am always amazed at you outlook...your continuing to pursue....your life, your education, your Lord....even when it must be very difficult to do....You encourage me to keep keeping on when I have set backs and failures and ...hard stuff...and...May I say...I "use" you as an example to others when they are struggling....with what seems to me to be much "smaller" issues.....So know that even in this....He is gaining glory....Love you!
You dress your hard stuff with a sweet smile and love for others. You apply your artistic talent to your personality with brightly colored humor and soft and warm hues of compassion. Sometimes it's easy to forget just how hard your disability is on you because you always show such grace.
As always, you are in my prayers.
Hugs!
It is the hard stuff...Yet, here you are getting your Master's degree to help others! God will use you greatly, Deb.
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