Have I "crossed over" from relapsing remitting to secondary progressive? I hope not. It is possible? Yes. In fact, It's highly probable. Will things get worse before they get better? Don't know. Will the current drug therapy and physical therapy do anything to help my current physical situation? Don't know that either.
Here's one thing I do know without a doubt: God is still on the throne. Sure, there are moments when I am so stinkin' frustrated that I can't do the things I want to do...when my body won't move the way I tell it to move...when my legs don't work and I can't walk...or I take a step and fall down because they quit working altogether. But I still know: God is on the throne. Whenever I am trying to form a sentence in my brain and can't find the words to speak it from my lips...when I don't have the strength to open the gallon of milk...when my mood swings so far to the other side that I find myself screaming at my daughter or nagging my husband for no good reason...when I can't sleep even though I'm completely exhausted...when I pick up my cup to take a drink and completely miss my mouth...(Yes, Sara, I know how that happens!)...when all of that...and a million other annoying things occur...I still know: God is on the throne.
I can choose to wallow in self pity. Or I can choose to take joy in the fact that when everyone else looks up in the sky and sees one hot air balloon flying by...I am blessed to see two - because maybe that day, I have double vision. A blessing? Perhaps not. But it's all in how I perceive things to be.
God is still on the throne. Whether or not He chooses to heal me, or whether or not he allows this disease to go from relapsing-remitting to seconday-progressive...He is still on the throne.
And THAT is what I know!
...I saw the LORD sitting on his throne
with all the host of heaven standing around him
on his right and on his left.
-I Kings 22:19b