Tuesday, February 17, 2009

One Elephant...

....went out to play
....on a spider's web one day
....He had such
....Enormous fun
....He called for another elephant to come


The strange things that rattle through my brain. The above is a song from a kid's game that I used to play with my Brownie troop when I was young. And oddly, that's the song that was going through my head yesterday as my neurologist was doing an ultrasound on my bladder to determine if my incontinence issues are because I'm not able to fully empty my bladder, meaning it's a sphincter issue...or is it simply that I need to strengthen my pelvic floor. We were all happy to learn (sheesh!) that my bladder was empty, therefore, it's probably more a pelvic floor issue. Now all I need to do is find a physical therapist in my area who specializes in pelvic floor rehab. Yeah.

I know, I's all too much information.

Yesterday was my semi-annual neurological exam. When all was said and done, it was obvious to him (as I have known) that there is definite deterioration in many neurological areas. Of course, it probably didn't help that I had worked all night and then Brillo Man and I put Olivia on the bus, took Bentley to the vet to board for the day and drove an hour and 1/2 to Pittsburgh. I was exhausted before I even started! But it was good that my doctor could see me at my worst. Usually he sees me at my best.

After much discussion and many physical and mental tests and tasks, we all came to the same conclusion. That I can no longer go on treating this MS by doing nothing. Which is what I've been doing. Over the years, I've tried many things, but nothing really worked sufficiently enough that I thought it was worth taking any medications. In fact, the side effects from the meds were sometimes worse than the MS. This time, I'm convinced that I need to be proactive.

So....I will soon be starting a daily dose of Copaxone. A sub-cutaneous injection - yahoo. I'll be using an auto-injector...just as soon as I figure out how to use it. All previous shots I gave myself were the old-fashioned, draw-it-up-in-a-syringe-and-stick-yourself kind...and they were intramuscular, which meant I was jabbing the needle an inch or so into my muscle. So a "sub-q" is going to be a piece of cake.

We'll see if it makes a difference. If it does, great. I'm skeptical - as always. Why put something potentially toxic into your system if you can help it? Dr. Heyman (pronounced, High-men) had an answer for every objection I had --and they were good answers. Even Brillo Man agreed that I need to do something and that my neurologist had valid reasons for encouraging me to start the Copaxone injections. And he stated his case well.

So okay...let the drugs begin. And I'll keep trusting that this is the method that the Lord is allowing in order for me to be well.

With God, all things are possible. Even elephants playing on spider webs...

I'll keep you posted.


Katy said...

I'll be keeping you in my prayers...and as for the weight post...didn't we all look our best at 21? :) You don't appear heavy to me in the latest scarf pics. :) but I know you need to take care of yourself...I do too which for now. for me, means cutting the carbs drastically.

Constance said...

About the time I get completely aggravated with my ITP, I am reminded that I am not the only person who has things that they have to "deal" with. While I don't imply to know what you're dealing with, in my own case, managing my illness is, for now, the way it is meant to be.

I believe we have become disillusioned these days because we have seen so many TV shows and movies where there is always a happy ending. When I was first diagnosed my attitude was,
"Give me a pill to make it go away". 5 years later it's still here and raising its ugly head from time to time.

Most days I do fine keeping a good attitude and living my life. Other days I clench my fist at God and tell Him how tired I am of dealing with this. He listens to me and I feel better after wards, it's a good release.

I am ALWAYS reminded of Paul and how God didn't remove his thorn, He left it there for a purpose. Paul HAD to rely on God's strength and not his own. I tell myself that I would NEVER do that but who am I trying to kid? I would and I know it! So if I know it, I'm pretty sure God knows it too!

Some days I have to remind myself to praise God, not for having ITP, that would be fake. I have to remind myself of His faithfulness to me, even when I have been faithless. I have to remind myself that God has revealed Himself to me during my illness in ways and depths that I never knew existed.

If my purpose is to be molded more and more into the image of His beloved Son Jesus, I need to welcome those things that will accomplish that purpose.

Then there are days when I have had enough! That's the struggle that rages within me...

Deb said...

Connie, your words ring true to my heart. So many times the Lord has revealed Himself to me through this MS in ways that I would have never known otherwise. He is faithful. Always.

Dawna sent me the song When Heaven Calls by Nicole C. Mullen. The lyric says that when heaven calls I will be ready to trade these mortal things for immortality. Oh, I am SO ready!

Changed. In the blink of an eye. One day our bodies will all be perfect. No more MS, no more ITP, or Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Cancer, Asthma, Down's Syndrome, Arthritis, Diabetes, Asthma, IgF deficiency, Depression or any other of the dozens of things that the enemy throws at us. Perfect. Complete. Whole. For all of eternity. It's going to be a day too glorious for words!

Louise said...

I too will be praying for you Deb, and I relate to what you and Constance have written about the issues we face while on this earth. The blessed, wonder-filled news is that none of what we endure here will last forever ... but we will! Changed! That will be us ... I told my husband the other day that I think one of the first things I'll do when I reach heaven is run. It's been so long since I've been able to to that. Run and not grow weary or have pain so bad you fall. We have SO much to look forward to!! Blessings to you my friend.

Ladyfromthewoods said...

I once had a similar experience as your elephant song...
I cut my middle finger at work and was sent to get stitches. As soon as the Dr. plunged (that's what it felt like) the numbing needle clear to my bone, I immediately began singing Sesame Street songs in my head! It was so weird... then I remembered that when having my wisdom teeth pulled, I was counting backwards from 10 to take the knock-out gas and the last number I heard myself say was... "Big Bird." Big Bird? No kidding. I heard the nurses laugh and then I was out.
So, my theory is, that we revert to some soothing childhood thought in times of stress. Evidently I used to be very happy as a child watching Sesame Street. Maybe you used to be very happy in Girl Scouts sing-alongs.
lol! teresa

Pat said...

I wish I could express in words how I feel....everyone elses comments are mine too.
I've been thinking a lot lately of just how wonderful heaven will be. I think the Lord is really preparing His saints for that glorious day.
Till then my precious friend, I pray, and believe that God has it all in mater what it feels like.

Char said...

I'm praying for you and so is our ladies' group at church. He is faithful.

KayMac said...

praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm a little late but I will keep in my prayers. Thanks for the info on incontinence I suffer with it too I was thinking I was just not listening to my body's signals but I've heard of a weak pelvic floor but my doctor told me about it to reach the "BIG O" its contagious too much information :-) Thanks for the song too my kids love it!